Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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