so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
