Christians are straight up FREAKS
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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