Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
