"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
