We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize