oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
