Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
never play flip cup with pint glasses
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
