The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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