I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
