i need an iv and a liver transplant
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
