I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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