he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
