I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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