she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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