After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
