i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
