it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
