A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
