We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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