I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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