Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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