it was like eating out sand paper
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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