So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
