I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
