Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
