No stitches, just platelets and will power
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
