If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
