At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.