im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
