Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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