Me. At least after what I've been through.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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