Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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