A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
