I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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