I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
