she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
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Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
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Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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