You don't have asthma, your pregnant
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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