Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize