he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
