i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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