were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Are my feet made of real feet?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
