mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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