So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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