does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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