Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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