And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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