i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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