Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
