guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
