ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
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My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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