god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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