nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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