the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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