i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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