Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
