So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
