i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You have to summon your inner elephant
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
