I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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