WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
