I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
